Hello ThrityMag Faithful,
Here’s my dilemma…
My daughter is two years old and my mother-in-law has always watched her during the day while my wife and I are at work. Unfortunately, we, like most people, are in a situation where both parents need to work; however, my wife was able to cut off one day so she has Friday’s at home with our daughter.
Due to circumstances out of my control my mother-in-law will not be able to watch our daughter for all four days starting this fall, leaving us to find a daycare solution for at least one or two days per week. I know most people may not find this a “dilemma” but for 2-years my little girl has been watched by family, people she knows well and who love her. Now I’m faced with the task of dropping her off to complete strangers to watch her for one or two full days. My little girl doesn’t talk much yet, so she can’t tell me if somebody is treating her badly. She won’t be in the comfort of her own home or her grandparents home when she takes her midday nap. What if she’s scared and doesn’t eat? What if they do something that will take that beautiful smile off her face?
People tell me it’s good for her to be around other children, but there are many ways to do that besides daycare. She likes other children, that’s great, but it’s the caretakers I’m worried about. The ones that don’t have any attachment to my daughter beside me dishing out money to them in exchange for watching her for a day. It’s business as usual for them, which may be a good thing, but then again, what does “business as usual” entail? Employees who are cranky and may take out their problems on my child should she be upset and cry? People tend to get stressed easily when around a bunch of kids who are cranky, hungry, tired, who need diapers changed, who want to do things their own way. But they’re professionals, right? They should be able to handle that, but how do I know? Can I place a camera inside the building and monitor activity from work? Probably not. Should I go by recommendations from other people? Sounds good, but people can be duped.
Yes, most people face these same types of situations. Many may say “deal with it, we all do,” but those who know me know that I never do things because other people do, or because it’s mainstream, or because that’s the way it is. If something is “the way it is” and I don’t like it, then I will fight it or find an alternative. Quite frankly, I can care less if “everybody is doing it.” I do what is best for my daughter, period.
So I need some feedback: I’m open to advice. Give me your positive or negative experiences. I’d like to hear from others dealing with similar situations.
That’s my two-cents for the day…
I have always worked full time. I never had the privilage of having family watch my two boys. I was very lucky to find a good friend that stayed at home and watched my boys and a couple other children. It worked out well- I always paid for daycare. I am a firm believer that if your circumstances require that both parents work- the Grandparents should not be the full time care taker- It is not fair to them- it is time for us as we get older- to be able to slow down and enjoy ourselves after we brought up our own family.- besides we want to enjoy the Grandchildren- you do not want it to be a “job”. So Chuck- with some searching and some interviewing- you should be able to find a good caretaker- Check around- ask family and friends for recomendations and then interview well- and for the first couple weeks- stop in at unexpected times to see how things are going. It is tough but it will be fine. Try one day, then go to two days…
As an owner of a child care center I am very familiar with your concerns. One thing I have always preached to my 30 plus caregivers is that if every parent could afford to stay at home they would. We, as child care professionals need to help the children on our care feel as if they are the only child. I personally have my daughter at my center and she is also enrolled at our church preschool. She has developed so much in the past year with the help of caring providers and has really grown into Miss Independent, which is hard to accept at times. The first person had some good comments though: stop in out of the blue periodically, volunteer to help out sometimes, understand that even as parents we sometimes make mistakes and the providers who may care for your child may make mistakes as well, and look for a center that is well established. Best of luck with your search, hang in there.
Shaun, Thank you for taking the time to comment! I appreciate it!
I thought about this awhile before adding my “two cents”…possibly more like two dollars!
I’m more than twice the age of your readers, but I enjoy learning about how young people think, and maybe you can learn from an older persons’ perspective – if not, stop reading this right now!
My focus is the “Search for Daycare” and “Daycare Dilemma” comments.
It appears that Sarah and Chuck are being very respectful of the Grandma that has withdrawn from probably her over-zealous offer to be there for them, with a four day a week commitment to babysit their child.
Sarah states, “different circumstances” that made Grandma go from a four day a week promise – to a three day a week change.
Chuck’s quote is “due to circumstances beyond my control” (careful choice of words, for a son-in-law!!!)…….same story on Grandma.
If the change of days is due to an unforeseen health issue for Grandma, then of course, it’s understandable, and totally forgiven.
Now comes my “two cents”…….
Maybe as far back as Sarah’s pregnancy – Grandma was so excited that she promised the sun and the moon – to help with all child care, once mommy went back to work.
Since the baby is now two years old, Grandma has now had a change of heart. To her way of thinking, three days a week is all she wants to babysit now…maybe she wants more time with friends – (she has three other days for that!)
Maybe she’s found a cute little job that pays her a salary…(if she is already receiving money for babysitting, than shame on her) the babysitting job pays in ever precious time with your baby’s baby – what could be more valuable than that!?? It doesn’t last forever, and it’s priceless!!
Or just maybe she’s just too tired to fulfill her commitment – too bad – rest after the baby goes home.
My husband and I babysit our three year old grandson. We both work part time outside the home, – we alter our lives, (with happy hearts) many times a week to fulfill the promise we made to help our kids out, and keep the baby out of any kind daycare. We glow with the knowledge that we are so much a part of this little miracle’s life- teaching him and learning from him, everyday.
My old lady advice –Grandma– rethink that fourth day, apologize for wanting to limit your time with your grandchild, and proceed to having four glorious days a week…. loving, cuddling, teaching, playing, and enjoying every precious minute you have together. It is truly a precious gift and privilege….Love every minute of it, for it doesn’t last forever.